To Jail You Go

My son stole $420.00 from my purse, the money was all I had for bills and some groceries and he decided he was going to buy some weed. I had been warning him about the people he was dealing and that they were going to get busted and he would go down with them and I would not help him. He is all-knowing and wiser than I of course and the dumbass stole the money from me and gave it to them to get his “stash.” Well low and behold guess what happened? Someone set the kids up and they got busted, the cops took what they had which was were my cash went and when my son finally told me he lied to me and said they got pulled over for speeding.

He made the same statement on the police report so now he has filed a false police report and I slapped him so now I’m up on domestic abuse charges, la fucking da. I go to court for a pre trial on Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. hey no big deal been there done that before. The prosecutor runs his shit and tries to strike a deal, well fuck him I slapped my kid not to hurt, because I love him and see where he is headed. He is a pathological liar just like his father was and it has to stop.

Lying makes me crazy, literally makes me insane-some people go nuts when the toilet paper roll is put on upside down, I go nuts when people lie to me as I always know they are and they think I don’t, which insults me and that pisses me off. My son sees a psychiatrist and psychologist, suppose to take meds, which he won’t and he has a lot of anger as he should have after what is dad did to him since he became an amputee.

God knows I have done the best I can but I am not equipped with the medicine to cure him of what ails him. He needs to deal with the pain and loss of his dad and the anger he has that his dad did absolutely nothing with him as a young boy and even when we were going through a divorce my husband lied to my kids telling them I had rented out their bedrooms and I had a man living with me. My son walked a mile in the freezing cold, no hat, no coat, no gloves just to see if what his dad was saying was the truth. He found out it was all lies and this is the way his father was.

Now I’m expected to be the miracle worker and social services has taken away my kids because I slapped my child, what was I suppose to do? Take away is phone? His Xbox? Let’s get real, sometimes the time outs just don’t work and this sucks as I am painted to be an unfit mother.  There are kids out there playing with heroin needles and nothing is done, but me well fuck me I am dealing with a system that doesn’t work. I have had the same worker for a year, ya my step daughter called them because my house at one time you could not walk through as my husband and I got back together and I had to move all his into the house. I am not a hoarder but sure as hell looked like one for sometime.

I have no one to help me, so there I was with a dying husband and a house a total wreck-my choices, take care of my husband or clean the fucking house. No brainer there but to social services I should have cleaned. I was fucking cleaning, cleaning the blood off the walls, floors and furniture. He basically threw up all the blood in his body over a several day span. I watched him deteriorate at an alarming rate and when I hugged him I could feel every bone in his upper body. I changed his clothing at least a half dozen times a day as he could not stop throwing up the blood. I bathed him with the gentleness one would use to hold a baby bird as every touch to his skin caused pain.

I should have spent more time with him but I had to make dinner for the kids, take them to school, pick them up, take them back for school events, try to get legal shit taken care of and the list goes on. Everytime I walk into our bedroom I see the hospital bed in my mind and the blood everywhere and it is painful, yes quite painful for me to go in their night after night. I have finally thrown out our mattress and getting a new one soon but I have also decided to sell the house as it not healthy for me to be here.

I’m selling my rv as well and I’m getting out of dodge, my life has done a complete turn around and I want to love and be happy, I want to walk hand in hand and smile just because I am content with the person next to me. I want to dance again, live again and laugh again and to do these things I must start with a clean slate which is very difficult when there is only me, myself and I to do all that is needed to be done.

The social worker is a piece of work, she was at the school when I went to pick up the kids and my son was in the office singing like a bird how I had slapped him and he was buying weed for me and he was selling it giving me $200.00 a month towards bills. Now doesn’t that sound like a kid that really wants to help his mom? Well, let me tell you it was all bullshit, every word of it but the principle and social worker bought it hook, line and sinker.

The social worker was very sarcastic and stood in the middle of the office and said to me real snotty like, I warned you and now I’m taking your kids and the police are on their way. Wayne county is the armpit of America and most of these black women get a nut off by throwing around their clout. I told her supervisor what she had done and that I could not work with someone with that type of attitude as the state was supposed to help me not threaten me. So they took my kids, do they actually think that is going to change a damn thing? My kids have excellent grades in school, they are fed, well dressed and intelligent beyond their years but I am an unfit mother. Don’t even attempt to defend yourself as the child is always right and that is the way it is. The parent doesn’t have a chance because the kid is never wrong and never lies don’t you know.

Well, it’s time to take my son down and I find no pleasure in doing so but have no choice, he lied on the police report and I have the proof which will be presented on Tuesday to the prosecutor. I have no choice but to ask to have him thrown in jail so he will possibly learn that lying gets you no where in this world. He is a troubled boy and it is of no fault of his own and his dad just checked out and left me to try to straighten out a shitload of problems.

I can handle it but at times I just break down because I am so tired of fighting for everything that should come to be easily, I am tired of the loneliness and talking to the dogs all the time. They look at me and then jump on me and start licking away, my Athena baby always licks my tears of my cheeks and cuddles next to me as if she feels my pain. I’m the type of individual that fights and keeps fighting and then I am so exhausted I break down only to get back up and fight some more. I never walk away from a situation as I feel there is an answer for everything and a solution only if we work to find it. 


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