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Sometimes

Sometimes we hang on to a hope, dream or wish because it is the only thing we have besides God that gets us through each day. I have done just that, I have held onto a dream of being with someone I love and it’s time to let that dream go.

The thought of him on my mind every day has given me the strength to put one foot in front of the other no matter how exhausted I am. But, like I said the thought of him has gotten me to this point but I no longer want thoughts.

I want to be with him and that isn’t going to happen so like selling my home, my rv  and all of my possessions, I am letting him go in my heart and mind as well. I have  had a nice ride but now all four tires are flat and there is no place to get them fixed and that is where my heart is.

He is no doubt with his family cooking bbq, swimming, laughing and catching up with his kids and their future plans. This is as it should be as there is no room in his life for me and he is attached to money and possessions as it’s the life he has live for many years. 

I can no longer live on hopes and dreams and I am going to open myself up to meet some new men, hopefully one that will appreciate me and if not then I will stay alone and don’t mind it.

I have given up on chasing dreams in rainbows and I’m taking a damn good look at my life and deleting everything that makes me unhappy. I don’t care about material crap that is why I am selling it all. I am freeing up myself to travel and see the world as I have always wanted.

All of us become attached to possessions but the fact is they stay when we go and the only thing that matters when we are lieing on our death bed is the love we are surrounded by. We put the value on people as paramount as we need them not the new car, house, iPad or fancy clothes.

When you can reach the point in your life that possessions and money mean nothing, then and only then do you live life as you should and see the importance of a beautiful flower or someone that loves you.

I would not be in the position I am today if I had not given away literally thousands of dollars to help another but that is who I am, a sucker for a sad story which was nothing but lies to begin with. That is ok though because I am free of the control of material shit and money and that is what is important for I can see the trees for the forest now and the pistol beyond the petals. 

You have to have something catastrophic happen in our lives apparently to wake us up.  I am actually quite excited to get rid of everything that ways me down, yes it is exciting to be totally free without committment except for my kids.

My daughter is being put through hell because of my son but he will find that he does love his mom and she actually is a pretty intelligent woman. He will find that I love him and do what is in his best interest not because I want to be a bitch but because I love him so.

You have to be willing to let go of life as you have known it to get real happiness and

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