For myself, when night falls is when I get the loneliest and wish I had someone to share the evenings with, it’s as if night fall is made specifically for people to mingle and be together. It’s not a lot of fun watching a movie and having no one to discuss it with.
I go to bed and try to fall asleep as quickly as I can because the nights are sad for me and I chose to escape into my dream state. I am a “cold spot” person when it comes to being in bed, my legs are always searching out the cold spots on the bed because they feel good, lol.
I think a lot when I can’t sleep, I think of the past, the present and the future and I wonder where I will be in five years. My kids will be in college and it will be just me and maybe Khloe our kitten if Ryan doesn’t take her or Shelby.
I feel like I will not know what my purpose in life is when the kids are gone because that is all I have known for almost twenty years. I seriously do not think I will ever remarry again and I have been alone for so long that I am very independent and don’t play well with others.
I do not like anyone to tell me what to do or not do and I refuse to bend to other’s will as that is not what living is to me. You should never have to change a thing about yourself to be with someone and neither should they and you shouldn’t have to kiss ass to keep peace.
Those that have tried to tell me what to do got a better response from pissing in the wind because we are individuals for a reason and that is not to conform. Relationships turn ugly when you have to dance to someone elses tune and if you have to buy them presents all time, well take a look at what you are doing, you are buying love.
The love I have isn’t for sale and neither is my body even though there is no doubt I could be a millionairess by now, lmao. I’m just an extremely intelligent woman that frightens most men, men do not generally care for intelligent women because they want a piece of the beefcake and the mind is totally irrelevant to them.
I’m a unique type of woman in today’s world because I believe in taking care of my family and my man and yes I still cook from scratch, eat out rarely and enjoy spending time with my kids. I believe a relationship should grow and become rich through sharing lifes trials and tribulations.
But then night fall comes and I am alone again wondering if I will ever be with my soulmate and find real joy and happiness. I wonder if there is someone out there that has arms big enough to hold me when I cry and hug just because.