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of heart I do not want you to visit me not that you were going to anyway

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Posted by on August 31, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 

Hey

You wont need much clothing, lol trust me on that one

 
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Posted by on August 31, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 

Don’t Give

When you think you will never find someone that will love you and prove it don’t look any further than f.b., I took a chance of meeting someone and even went as far as flying to another state. He didn’t show up, which really wasn’t a surprise but did hurt none the less.

Well, as I sat in the airport I started checking my mail and got contacted by a new dating site, low and behold I did some surfing and what did you think happened? The hottest guy close to by age and I have struck up quite the conversation.

What’s really nice is he is willing to come visit me instead of the other way around and that says a lot. When someone will go the extra mile to meet you that should tell you a lot and it has. I think we need to chat a bit more before he comes to the states but at least he shows that much interest in me.

No, he hasn’t laid the I love you line on me for which I am glad but he is sexy with a big S and such a gentleman. It’s not so easy to find someone my age that I am attracted to but he definitely has caught my eye and  we chatted for hours today, which is a good sign.

I put so much into a one sided relationship and I have found that it isn’t worth it as I do not mean enough to him to meet me. That’s ok because I know my worth even if he doesn’t and I am not going to waste my time on someone who won’t invest time into me.

Well, I have found someone that is interested in me and would like to meet me and we will see how things go, of course don’t you know he’s an aquarius and we have hit it off fantastically and I do hope things continue to go in the right path.

I’m not looking to get married but a relationship would be what the doctored ordered for me and he seems to be so loving, kind, intelligent, handsome, awesome body, romantic he is the full b

 
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Posted by on August 28, 2012 in Define Me, Nature and Nurture

 

3:15 p.m.

This time tomorrow I will be in Albany enjoying a beautiful day with my camera in a park with a packed lunch so I can have my own private picnic by the lake in the park. I’m sure I can find a park with a lake somewhere and the thought of having a picnic sitting my a tree and staring up at the sky.

You remember don’t you, how to enjoy a picnic with a blanket to lie on and your arms under your head as you look up at the clouds and see shapes of dogs or squirrels, lol. The warm breeze blowing so gently it makes you want to take a nap with someones arms around you.

I am a dreamer of life and I can see myself looking up at the clouds and enjoying the day with someone special, yes I can see it. Being a visionary is so nice and comforting but when I think of meeting someone and falling in love I must confess I am very afraid.

Why be afraid you ask, because I am the type that falls and falls hard and how can you have a relationship with someone you cannot be with all the time? Is it possible to have a long distance romance for the most part? Then there are the holidays and the children and how to deal with that. 

There has got to be a lot of trust and respect, give and take as well as giving in during any arguments, you cannot be right all the time, or can you? lol no you cannot and you have to be very open to each other’s responsibilities and lives.

If everything clicked between myself and someone else I would have no problem committing because I believe with technology we could be in contact daily and no it’s not as good as being together but I would just be thrilled to be involved at all, lol. 

I can see myself walking hand in hand with someone during sunset and watching the sun go down, it’s times like these that are times that make wonderful memories and they are so romantic. It’s the moments that do not cost a dime that make a relationship special.

 
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Posted by on August 26, 2012 in Define Me, Nature and Nurture

 

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Afraid Of The Night

I have finally ran into something that scares me more than the night, it’s love, yes I am afraid of love I have just discovered. Who is afraid of love you may ask, someone that has been hurt very badly and very deeply. I want love so bad but the fear, well the fear.

I don’t think I could ever believe that someone could possibly love me just for myself and nothing more. It seems the first time I was engaged of course what I had played a key role and then my husband well he married me for what I had as well. It’s as if I cannot be worth loving if I don’t have something that someone else can profit from, well I guess the next one is shit out of luck because I am scraping by every month. I don’t mind the way my life is of course it would be nice to be debt free again and I will in time.

I don’t need someone to help financially and emotionally well hell I’m just a mess in disguise, not really I am doing very well thank you. I’m so used to be alone and frankly it sucks if you want to know the truth but I realized today that I am scared to death of a relationship.

If I knew that he would be true to me and me alone I might take the plunge but I do not know if I could ever really trust anyone again. As much as I would like to I do not know if I have that in me or not. I want a committed relationship so bad but can he commit?

It would hurt me so bad to find out he cheated on me I don’t know if I could take it or not. I’m so true blue it’s not funny, when I’m committed I don’t even flirt anymore because I have that much respect for the person I am with. When I tell someone I love them I mean it and I don’t want them to feel insecure or hurt.

 The next relationship I have will be my last I guarantee it because we will be a perfect fit and I know it in my heart. I have so much love to give and so does he that is why we belong together and will eventually be together in time.

If he makes me fall deeply in love with him then he has got to keep me those are the rules baby.

I WANT LOVE IN MY LIFE AND I DESERVE IT

 
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Posted by on August 26, 2012 in Define Me, Nature and Nurture

 

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Have You Ever

Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by mystery and intrigue? Have you ever felt like someone was putting on a surprise party for you but there was no special occasion?

I have felt that way for the last couple of days, yes like there is a surprise party in the works but I know there is none. Why I feel like I am surrounded my intrigue is another thing I cannot explain.

It’s as if the joke is on me and someone has been pulling my strings all along. This is exactly why I am getting away. I am losing touch and my thinking is going way out in left field.

I guess it’s good to fantasize now and then but emotionally I prefer to keep control of those emotional moments. I could so easily fall apart and I have no plans of letting that happen.

My biggest fear is that I will fall seriously in love and then never see him again. That is the type of luck I have and it would destroy me if that happened. I hope I do meet someone and maybe just maybe we can work it out.

That’s one thing about me I am flexible and always willing to go the extra mile to make something work. I am not a controlling greedy person and I find it beneficial for two people to work out what works best for them.

I think this trip is going to be holding something quite unique for me. I feel like this is a turning point and I have no idea why, it’s some big mystery but one delightful mystery at that.

 
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Posted by on August 25, 2012 in Define Me, Nature and Nurture

 

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Hazy Lazy Day

Have you noticed the last several days how the weather has changed as for myself I seem to have the hazy lazy day syndrome. I just can’t seem to get it together, I’m just so laid back and have a “I don’t care” attitude, I’m so in the accept what is in front of you attitude and fuck it.

It’s very hard to put into words my emotional state because I rarely feel this relaxed and I guess I should be excited but I am not. I think I am very scared and so afraid of getting hurt. I’m not going to think negative but I have to realize this meeting could turn out bad, very bad.

Well, if that happens, I just have to accept it and through his ass down and take some because I shouldn’t be totally punished because the connection was not the best of one. Sometimes, people have to put aside their differences and man up if you know what I mean, lmao.

 
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Posted by on August 23, 2012 in Define Me, Nature and Nurture

 

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