Never A Bride

04 Sep

I married once in this lifetime and shall never walk that way again as I have found “love” is always a contract or means ownership to so many. Why do people think because the two of them want to be together that one can control the other?

Why do people think marriage is total control of another person? Why can’t people be together and live separate lives as well? It does not mean you love less or the committment is less because it isn’t and never will be, men tend to have a difficult time letting women be themselves but then women like to control as well.

I don’t want to run anyone’s life but my own because that is a difficult enough job as it and I will not allow anyone to run my life for me. I am the type that is “what is mine is mine” but I don’t need to prove it because he already knows he can walk a very fine line with me and no I am not above tripping him either.

I could never marry again because I can no longer trust anyone with my heart or with me and I can honestly say I will never walk down an aisle again. I don’t like marriage, just the perks and I do not like the games so many play.

I am definitely the type of person that would have a horse waiting outside the church and when the I do’s came, I get up and don’t all the way to that horse and off into the sunset with me, no ring, no paper, no broken promises. It is hard to live without love but I seem to have managed, not quite nicely but I have managed.

I am sitting here dripping sweat once again which has been protocol for days now as I wake up drenched and into the bathroom and back to bed. I am wearing a flimsy robe to absorb the sweat from my body and then the chills take over.

I have no idea what is wrong with me and I will not go to a doctor so I can be told I have a “bug”. I am ran down and when I am my body starts to reject me in all sorts of undesirable ways. I haven’t eaten in days, just ice cold watermelon  right off the rind off the fridge and then back to bed.

I don’t do sick well, not well at all as I am rarely the patient and I hate getting ill. When my soul is ill my body becomes ill as well and it’s as if I am flushing every piece of toxic from me. I am blowing my nose and wiping sweat like I am bailing hay again.

I got a call today, it was the call that was suppose to throw me off track, well it didn’t and the call was already anticipated along with all the lies. I love when someone tells you they love you but it’s all a guise, not a bit of truth to it.

He panicked and took a leap he thought would save him but it didn’t because I already know the truth, all of it and it sickens me. He can never share my heart, life or bed because he is seduced by the fairest maiden of all, the all mighty dollar.


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Posted by on September 4, 2012 in Define Me


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