You can live a very sheltered and lonely existance and then one day the doors open and in walks someone that wants to be with you and for you. I can’t remember the time I was on the phone for hours with someone that wanted to listen to what I had to say.
He values my opinion and has asked me to work for him, actually he wants me to run a division for him, lol. Yes I have owned several businesses and know all about market share, distribution, connections, ass kissing and all aspects of business.
I don’t need degrees because I have the experience, I know how to get people in my pocket, especially men. If you listen people tell you all you need to know to turn the tables on them. People give to much of themselves away so easily.
I give away quite a bit of myself but I am actually discarded it as I have gotten the use out of it. People like to think I am stupid and controllable, I am neither and I always feel put on defensive as if I have to prove myself, which I do not.
He makes me feel secure and respected, he makes me feel worthy of life and living, he makes me or does he? I do not know what I feel any longer about anyone. My head is twirling and feels like it’s in a toilet swirin’, I feel lost and alone running for no open arms anywhere.
I am feeling protective on guard fearful and scared, emotions especially my own are so deep and scary and I can drown so easily. I cannot control my emotions and I am impulsive and careless at times but I still feel confused.
Do I open myself up to someone new or should I keep him a bay? Do I allow him to share my table? bed? heart? touch my skin? Do I allow him to hold me when I cry and wipe my tears? Do I share a morning laugh together in bed with him?
Do I feed him french toast in bed and lick the pure maple syrup from his chin and lips? Do I let him near my heart? I think not so quick, he continues to try to impress me and I have slapped him down for it, maybe he will soon enough realize I do not need monogrammed robes and soaps.
Must he put me so high on that pedestal that when I fall I never stop? He sets me to high and I do not wish to live up to such expectations. I am fallible, so very fallible but he doesn’t see that. He can almost see me and that scares me.
I am not one to easily give me heart, my body is on it’s own but my heart I control and always will. I do look forward to spending my birthday with him as I have been alone forever on my birthday. Not that it’s a monumental occasion it’s just a reason for me to get drunk once a year.
He will see me at my best, lol I am a total silly ass drunk, I am the lovable, stupid, funny drunk that most people wish they were. I get very sensual when I drink as well, tequilla down the throat, panties off the rear but I think that does that to most people doesn’t it?
I am not perfect but pretty close, lol ya right, the one thing I do like about myself is I can and do always laugh at myself and what an ass I can be. If you can’t laugh at yourself then who can you really laugh at? I’m not laughing right now because I have to finally say good bye to someone.
I waited but someone came along, you knew it would happen one day and the day came, I will miss you and you will always have a place in my memory. I wish you all of your dreams to come true and you always be happy.