When you are in a relationship for a very long time you become to rely and trust each other and you are never alone when you are ill. You always have someone to care for you, feed you, bathe you, get your meds and clean up after you.
When you are divorced or widowed the mirror becomes empty as your partner is no longer standing next to you and there is nothing but an empty space there. You are on your own and it makes you feel so much worse, or at least it does me.
I’m not one to want anyone to fuss over me but when I am sick I am the most docile person on this planet. I like to be babied just like anyone else but what I really like is having someone who will go out in the pouring rain to get my meds.
You do not realize how you take for granted in a relationship and when that person is gone, literally gone and no you cannot call them for help it makes you pay more attention to the importance of relationships. I thrive on taking care of a person.
I’m very good at it and it makes me feel really good to make someone else’s life easier and happier. The last time I was really sick a friend flew up from Texas and took care of me. He’s been wanting me to marry him for years and this time was no different.
He got pissed when I said no again and I haven’t heard from him since but that is the way things go with us. He gets pissed I don’t hear from him for up to two years at a time and the cycle starts over. He thinks his money can buy my love, he is a foolish man, very foolish.
I sit day after day by myself or with my kids and I wonder where I will be in five years? I take life in five years cycles and I believe I have been through hell and back in the last five years and now it’s time for the tides to turn in my favor.
I pray everyday for someone I care for and I pray that our meeting is on the up and up and no shenanigans is behind it. Hey I’m not looking to empty his wallet or even get into it for that matter but I do want fun and companionship, without the bullshit and the pressure.
If worse comes to worse, he can say hi I dont think is going to work and goodbye but I do not see that happening as there is something deeper than anyone else can see but us. Call me a fool if you will but you have to go for it before it gets up and is gone.