I know this sounds strange but he is part of me, somehow someway he became part of who I am and he has helped shape me as a person. God has his ways of protecting each and everyone of us and I believe “he” has been sent to protect me.
Foolish thinking? Maybe and then maybe not, maybe a strong belief in goodness versus evil lies within me and “he” is the protector of my soul and the maker of my future. Do I love him, absolutely, unquestionably but the real question is “am I in love?”
Not so sure about that one and I probably am not but I do love him for who he has become in my life and how he has taught me so much, shaped my world and colored my dreams. He laughs at my naivety but he also knows that the innocence that is within me is rare and even I know that.
I have deliberately made him angry and jealous so he would know if he had feelings for me or not and if he didn’t he wouldn’t have felt neither emotion. He is very intelligent but he has met his match with me in slightly a different way than in most women.
I guess he can’t figure out why money doesn’t move me, how I can forgive, how I think of others the way I do and always put myself last, as most women do. When you’re young and you have money rolling in you spend like crazy, have a family, build a life and then start regretting all of it.
You realize you were to young for marriage, to naive to be left on your own and your hormones took over and you spent to many a night with a different woman. In time your marriage becomes functional, the kids grow up and you get divorced.
Then you realize life is lonely and you start the search for your life long mate and if you are lucky you end up with a relationship like we have. It may go no further, who knows but I am living day by day to see where we do go if anywhere.
We may just find there is nothing there but I already know that is a lie because I love this man for who he is within himself and that is the only man I ever want to know and love that way. He is special to me for he has been by my side from a distance for a very long time and I have leaned heavily on his shoulder at times.