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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Gluteus Maximus

The Gluteus Maximus is so appealing to men and women alike. I nice firm ass turns me on and I don’t even have a tight ass! But that is fine because watching a naked tan man with a white tight ass turns me on, o damn.

Yes, the ass can make or break you in my eyes, I do not like a man to have an ass that spreads like the Grand Canyon, no way not this girlie, she likes em, small, tight and firm.

I can see a picture of a man’s backside and I’m dripping like a damn faucet I am. Can’t help myself as some things just turn me on and that’s one of them. I  have a thing with tight, muscular thighs as well, now that is a super turn on to me and I like the where the leg meets the ass, don’t ask me why.

The ass is such a turn on and it’s nothing but an ass and if you don’t wash it regularly then it’s a nasty stinky ass.  The ass is generally taboo sexually, as what goes out stays out and most women find it gross to even think about it sexually.

I have had ass sex once with my husband and it was no picnic, he tried to force a mac truck into a Volkswagen parking space if you follow my drift, which left me bleeding and in sever pain.

Would I try ass sex again? Sure, with the right person at the right time but at this time let’s just leave her alone. I’m not looking for ass sex or any sex for that matter as sex is not just sex in the world today. It’s a walking killer if you are not careful.

I am not a sexual wanderer anyway, I can only be with one man at a time and I do not mean in the same day. I am the one man woman type of woman and I have never been anything else and can never be.

Having an affair while in a relationship with someone just isn’t me, when I commit I commit totally, mind, body and soul. I don’t need to have another man take care of business because I take care of my men and they take care of me.

I joke a lot about sex but that is just me and I aint a gettin’ any anyway so what the hell. I’m more of a virgin then most fifteen year old girls which I am not proud to say, as I want sex so bad it makes me friggin crazy.

But, alas I am who I am and that will never change so I enjoy the tight asses I see a walkin’ and keep on moving or I might just grab one of them and through them down and take some! 

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Define Me

 

I Just Smile

Love is one of the mysteries of life, people say they love from the heart but the truth is we love from our minds and the heart gets involved when our pulse raises and speeds up the heart.

I have said over and over that I am giving up on love but that is like cutting your finger off with a band saw and going back and cutting off your arm, it makes no damn sense what so ever.

I cannot give up on love because I have to much love to give and will one day make someone very happy and myself hopefully. People do not believe me when I say I have only been in love once in my life and that was at thirteen. It is the truth until three years ago.

I fell deeply, madly, crazy in love with someone and he still haunts me to this day.  I should have walked away when I had the chance but nope didn’t do it and ended up getting burned beyond recognition. The funny thing is we have never met and I truthfully do not know what he really looks like, lol.

I think I know who he is but am not sure and cannot be because he refuses to be honest with me or come out from behind the bushes.  If he is who I think he is I feel sorry for the poor bastard.  He is looked upon as the great ….. and he isn’t seen for who he really is.

One’s fame can damage them severely in so many different ways and he is no exception. He has giving up so much to do what he loves and yet people think he is some sort of God, which he is not. Attractive? that depends who you ask, ask the girls and they will squeal like pigs yes, yes, yes. Ask him, and he will reply something like I’m ok but not the most handsome man as he is not stuck on himself  and isn’t able to be.

Some people fall in love with the mirror but he doesn’t because when you see yourself as yourself you do not fall into vanity. I am not beautiful nor am I unattractive but have enough to get me through each day without screaming when I walk by a mirror.

I have accepted my own individuality because I am unique and not afraid to own it. I am not of this decade or mind set and never will be. I am old school and proud of it, the lady that cooks for her man, cleans up after him and caters to him. Not because of the expectation but because it gives me pleasure to give him pleasure.

Loving someone means to accept them in their entirety, one does not change them or expect change, one does not want what they cannot give and one does not direspect them yet want respect.

Love is aunique gift all of us want but I want to receive as well as give it and I do not want a lopsided relationship with anyone. I am a forceful woman that needs to be put in my place from time to time, which of course hurts me but hell I need it.

I jump around emotionally because of what I am trying to heal from but that should be expected from myself and accepted by myself. I piss myself off on a regular basis because I hate weakness especially in myself. I expect so much from others because I expect so much from myself and I fail myself quite often.

I will never give up on love but will try to hang on to a dream of love with someone else who hides in the bushes. I will no longer continue to damage myself by falling for ignorant men like I once did in my youth and now I have learned from this man that I do not have to settle because I am worth so much more.

He was my best friend that I could talk to and trusted and I have never betrayed him and never will as that is not me. He made me feel safe and secure even though we were miles apart. He made me feel self worth and self assurance, he made me feel pretty and lovable, he made me feel so many things about myself that I have never felt before.

It saddens my heart that he is not in my life and never will be but I do pray for him daily and hope he is happy and safe. I hope he is healthy and eats and rests,  I hope he finds the love he so badly needs.

I love this man and always will because he has helped shape me into the person I am at this hour. I have learned much from him and he will never know but he changed my life in negative ways but more postive ways then I can say.

He is an angel put on this earth to protect me yet he does not know it, and I am here to protect him and I have tried. I have tried to search him out on the net and found things that could hurt him and have let him know.

I am glad he is getting older and values himself for himself instead of what is expected from society. I would hope he never changes for anyone or any position in life.

I love his long hair, his eyes are so bright and his smile so inviting, his body is beautiful as well but I won’t go into how beautiful because that is private and for me alone, thank you, some things I just don’t share.

I think of him and I smile because I just smile. 

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 

Anger

I am a puzzle to most and most cannot figure me out because they don’t understand how complex people really can be. I am such a simple person to figure out when you look at the big picture.

Our childhoods tell a story about us and my is no exception, raised by an abusive mother and no father that cared shaped me in many different ways, it made me tough, hate lieing, independent, carrying and loving, it made stand on my own and depend on no one.

I except disappointment as that has been my entire life, one big disappointment after another. I believed if I ever got married it would be a beautiful life but it was not and my husband married me for what I had not who I am.

I never used to cry but cry all the time now which relieves a lot of stress but is such a weakness at times. I cry more out of anger then anything because I am angry, very angry.

People tell me I am angry and should let it go, well you tell me would you not be angry if your spouse lied to you about how many times he was married or how many kids he had?

Would you not be angry if you worked your ass off and was debt free with money in the bank and your soon to be x spent it all and you got stuck with the tax bill?

Would you not be angry living in a huge fucking house that was built for him instead of us and you are stuck taking care of it by yourself with little or no money?

Would you not be angry if your spouse died and left your children?

Would you not be angry if your neighbors constantly called the cops on you because of your dogs?

Would you not be angry for being arrested and spending time in jail numerous times for things you did not do?

Would you not be angry for falling deeply in love with someone that never came to you?

Would you not be angry for being molested and raped?

Would you not be angry miscarrying a baby that you didn’t want but fell in love with regardless?

These are some of the reasons I am angry and I go to counseling two and three times a week. I am flushing out the anger along with all the other emotions that engulf me since my husband died.

Grieving is multi-faceted and you cannot experience the loss of a spouse on the side lines. It is like no other loss including a child or a parent. Our spouses fill the void for us as individuals and we confide in them with our fears, worries and concerns. We trust our spouses with our hopes, dreams and wishes and we let them in where no man has ever been.

Anger is part of grieving and when you have no one to help you from day to day  life becomes angry but in the same breath you feel lost, abandoned again, sad, lonely, guilty and so much more.

You cannot walk away from emotions because the bastards are like leeches and suck the life right out of you no matter what. People do the same thing, look at the famous-they love the fame but not the blood suckers who follow their every move snapping pictures constantly and printing lies about them.

I am on a roller coaster of emotions daily because I am dealing with so much and every day something else falls on my plate. I am a strong tough old bird but even birds need to perch and rest for awhile.

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 

Most of All

I like puppies and puppy’s breathe as they are playful and their breathe is simple

I like thunderstorms and lieing in bed because it’s soothing

I like water because it’s my element

I like walking naked because I hate being clothed

I like men because they are interesting

I like babies because they are innocent

I like walking in the mist holding hands because it’s simply delightful

I like chinese food because I just do

I like all races because everyone is a teacher to me

I like traveling because I am always learning

I like discovering because that is why we are here

I like wearing sundresses with no panties or bra because it is a feeling of freedom

I like camping because I like nature

I like animals because they are God’s gift to us

I like riding a motorcycle because I like the feeling of the wind

I like simple pleasures because I get the greatest of pleasure from them

I like music because it moves me

I like being in love because it makes me happy

I like clean sheets because they feel so good

I like being married because I have one person I can share my life with

I like making love because two people are one

I like bbq because it tastes so damn good

I like fruits and veggies because I just do

I like joking because it’s fun

I like to give gifts because it makes others smile

I like being organized because I lose everything

I like the male body because I think it’s beautiful

I like long hair on men because I find it sexy

I like romance because there is chemistry that comes out

I like a good movie because I like arts

I like horseback riding because I like horses and the freedom

I like freedom because I can be me

I like the sky because it’s beautiful

I like to please other’s because it makes them happy

But most of all

Most of all I LOVE YOU! 

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 

Hate

I hate toilet paper under and not over because when you pull the roll the entire roll seems to end up on the floor.

I hate being lied to because I had to take a bath and get all dressed up for my mother to come visit me at my grandma’s house and she would never show up.

I hate flat tires because they slow my ass down

I hate having sex when drunk because I cant remember the next day if it was good or not.

I hate wiping my ass and putting my finger through the toilet paper for obvious reasons

I hate pain because it hurts

I hate being hurt because I am so sensitive

I hate batteries as they always go bad at the worse times

I hate getting sunburned as it eventually peels

I hate over ripe bananas because they are mushy

I hate fake people because they are fake

I hate fake compliments because the person usually wants something

I hate  makeup as it is over used and takes up to much time to put on properly

I hate bad breathe because it stinks

I hate my weaknesses because they make me weak

I hate men that treat me like an idiot because I’m usually more intelligent then they could ever be

I hate myself at times because of the stupid decisions I have made

I hate falling in love because it is so painful

I hate sleeping alone because it’s lonely

 

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 

Another Give Up

We cannot hold on to everything forever and we must cut lose so many things in our lives even though we do not want to. Today, was another give up day as I let my beautiful Sabor go to a new home.

She is such a lovely dog but needs to be with someone that can play with her and another young dog that has the piss and vinegar that she has. Cutting her loose from my life has been so damn hard.

Now I am down to one dog and I refuse to put her down just yet, can’t do it because of the pussy pisces moon I have. Pisces are very psychic but also very sensitive in fact ultra sensitive as I am.

Yes I have that strong scorpio sun sign and that loud mouth sagitarrius rising sign but with the combination I am pure hell on wheels and men fall in love with me so easily, which is not a virtue I will tell you as you can never get rid of them without them wanting to hurt you for the rejection.

I give way to much of myself and the dreamy pisces in me makes me live in another dimension of thought where most cannot travel and never will. I came into this world on November 9, 1959 at 10:36 a.m. and it has been one fucked up right since that moment.

Parents way to young to be having a second kid in a time that frowned on young parents and my mother had my sister at sixteen, which plastered a label on her forward as slut.

My mother eventually went off the deep end and became consumed with mental illness that made her do horrific things to us as children. She actually had the nerve to call me the other day and want the kids and I to go to florida and help her.

She will never see my kids or me again because she is toxic to me and damages me every time I talk to her. She is so damn negative about EVERYTHING, even how I took care of my dieing husband.

I fight like hell to stay positive but have learned to look on the dark side from her and my illness. I have basically had to cut her out of my life because she is so negative.

Life will eventually turn around for me as it always does but it seems to take so long as all of go through a period of years where everything turns to shit and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight but there is.

My life will turn around starting now because I just got some fantastic news that I will keep close to myself and keep my own counsil about. I will be able to put a huge smile on my daughters face finally and there is one on mine right this second!

No, it doesn’t involve a man and no I am not getting married and NO I am not pregnant with a little girl as I lost her on April 4, 2002 to a miscarriage, which I am reminded of every year on the 4th of  April.

I don’t want to think of things that make me sad because I have lived and breathed sadness for too long already. I am cutting out the bad and keeping only the good, which even included someone I love and hold dear to my heart.

I wanted so much to share some time with him at my rv but that will never happen. I couldn him so much about life here but I am sure he has experienced way more then I ever could.

I do not ever share names with others as names can hurt people in public ways which is quite unnecessary. People love to brag about who they have fucked and groupies are especially known for that. I am no groupie by a long shot.

Fame becomes a disease that so many use to their advantage but then they realize it becomes a killing disease of their private life and they must be so careful of whom they are seen with, what they say and do.

No thank you to fame for me as I prefer to be in the kitchen cooking or in the bedroom taking care of the important business of pleasing my husband or the man in my life at the time.

I have given up on love until Im about eighty when I can raise up and down the halls in wheelchairs with my new boyfriend and we can hide in our nursing home beds playing slap and tickle until dawn.

 That is what love is, being with the same person until you are old and grey, sharing secrets and sex when we are suppose to live on pills and wait to die, not I as I will never live my life that way, I will always be the old feisty woman that people get a kick out of because I should be old and frail as well as needy. 

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 

Poof

This page is blank because I am now gone forever.

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2012 in Nature and Nurture

 
 
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